Settling For Headphones

Beautiful sunrise

My 24th birthday is coming up in less than a month and I’m realizing that it will be the fourth birthday I’ve spent in New Zealand, despite having only lived here for a little over a year now. It’s a weird thing, moving to another country. Different people have different experiences and emotions about it because the reasons and situations can be so different from person to person. I can’t speak for anyone else – all of these thoughts and feelings here are only my own. I have just been feeling a bit homesick and nostalgic lately and felt a compelling urge to share.

 

I had been looking forward to moving to New Zealand and getting out of the cold, dreary, flat Midwest for almost two years by the time I finally moved in February last year. I had been looking forward to it so much I really didn’t expect to get homesick much, if at all. Would I miss friends and family? Of course. Would I miss being able to get reliably good tacos? Without question. But I had my fiancĂ©! And we were living in an apartment on the ocean! So it couldn’t possibly affect me much, right?

I think it’s much harder to explain and voice some of the things I miss about the US and more specifically Chicago/Minneapolis because the differences between NZ and American culture are much slimmer than, say, American and French culture or American and Chinese culture. I’m going to pick out some of the more glaring differences though. Hopefully all of this makes sense because I am writing this at 1:30am.

Speed is a big difference between the US and NZ. In many ways the slower pace of NZ life, especially in smaller towns and cities, is nice and relaxing. However it can also be frustrating if you’re trying to get things done. Last year part of our roof was leaking and it took almost two months to finally get someone out to fix it. There was just no urgency.

Sometimes I get frustrated at ‘outing’ myself as a foreigner whenever I open my mouth. I spent my teenage years trying to master blending in and disappearing while still being an ‘individual’. So getting singled out for my accent can be jarring at times, though I’m mostly used to it by now I suppose.

Unfortunately though because the US is such a prominent power in the world, everyone has an opinion on American government and culture, even if I’m the first American they’ve met. Sometimes it’s not so bad and people just have questions. Other times people expect me to back up their uninformed opinions and stereotypes.

Speaking of stereotypes – here’s something you probably won’t hear about New Zealand when looking to travel: there’s a lot of very casual racism. Many white New Zealanders have no qualms complaining to you about Pacific Islanders or Maori (the indigenous population of New Zealand). Every time we spend time around friends-of-friends or clients or whatever there’s always at least one awkward moment where someone makes some kind of racist complaint. Even worse – I was recently complained to about Native Americans being offended by the ‘Redskins’ NFL team name by a New Zealander. How could I take the time to even begin to explain that to someone who hasn’t learned about atrocities like the Trail of Tears, the Wounded Knee Massacre or any other terrible ways European settlers have treated Native Americans throughout history?

Despite all these differences (even the rage-inducing ones like above), I’ve been missing home the most lately when I listen to music. Music used to be a HUGE part of my life. Not just listening to my favorite alternative and pop-punk bands but specifically going to concerts. I can so vividly remember all the times I’ve stood in the cold outside the Riviera, Aragon Ballroom, the House of Blues, the Varsity and First Ave. I can feel the cold of the pavement seeping through the bottoms of my Converse and I can see the cloud of breath coming from my mouth when I listen to certain bands.

Typically in New Zealand only large acts like Metallica or Beyonce come to put on shows. Or, of course, kiwi bands.

I’m homesick for the old theaters and music clubs. For staying out til 1am at a concert and getting some burgers afterwards. For being exhausted from standing for hours and yet incredibly energized from the amazing live concert.

I’m going back to the US for a few weeks in August and September. I’m sure there will be all sorts of emotions and food going on that will be ripe for a blog post then.

In the meantime, thanks for taking the time to read my 1:30am nostalgia/homesick/rant post. Maybe if I’m lucky, someone connected to Motion City Soundtrack will see this and take pity on me and have them book a concert in New Zealand or something. Maybe. For now I’ll settle for my headphones.

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